Sunday, May 08, 2005

New York Mayoral Race 2005: Giving Up Edition! 

This experiment in caring about local politics has failed. That asshole Bloomberg is ahead in the polls -- how? Through a calculated and brilliant campaign of not being one of the Democratic candidates.

Here's where we stand:
Watch out, Democrats: Karl Rove's people were in town Friday to plot campaign strategy for New York.

Tellingly, though, the mayor's race came up only briefly in their talks with New York Republican leaders. Seems the threat posed by Freddy, Virginia, Anthony or Giff isn't keeping Mr. Rove up at night.

There's been absolutely nothing important this week. The Post may end up endorsing Gifford Miller so that they can keep putting "GIFF" in their headlines. I don't know.

Me, I'm thinking of endorsing this guy:
The man who was in charge of emptying parking meters in the town of Mount Kisco has been accused of stealing more than $30,000 in quarters.

He's demonstrated that he can get money for the city even if Albany and Washington don't cooperate. He's above politics, he's an outsider, he doesn't owe any favors to any "special interests."

Look, the news was so boring this week, I'll just make up what each of the candidates did.

After receiving controversial endorsements from Bobby Seale and Wayne Kramer, Freddy furiously backpedaled and attempted to appeal to middle-class whites by putting on an NYPD uniform and shooting an immigrant, then claiming that the New York Post's dissin' of Flavor Flav, while unfortunate, was not technically a "crime." Both moves were declared colossal missteps, and Ferrer fell in the polls to trail Bloomberg by a bajillion points.

Fields spent the week following Ferrer around the city and standing right behind him. At campaign stops, she pointed at him and make a "can you believe this guy?" face to the assembled crowds. At one talk before union representatives in the Bronx, when Ferrer proposed a multi-million dollar investment in community revitalization and jobs programs, Fields put her index finger to her ear, turned it in a circular motion, and repeatedly said "coo-koo." While her poll numbers have remained fairly stagnant, she would win a decisive victory if the race were held tomorrow, against Ed Koch.

Weiner, the campaign Idea Man, introduced a proposal to tax thingy. It was roundly ignored by the other candidates, and Weiner stomped petulantly back to his room, where he cried and cried, then cried some more. The next day, he ordered New Yorkers to buy up and burn all copies of the new Springsteen album (what is that, the third Springsteen joke I've made this week? Oy, it's been a long semester).


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