Friday, May 20, 2005

Don't You Know There Ain't No Devil, There's Just Screamin' Jay When He's Drunk 

I'd like to begin today's sermon by pointing you to what is possibly the greatest blog ever (it will be no time at all before the proprietors are secretly paid by the Dean campaign, hired by the New York Observer, sued for libel in Great Britain, and clicked on by the producers of Inside Politics).

Cats aside, let's move on the next cutest thing on the agenda, God. God is everywhere these days -- He's totally hot right now.

Tom Tomorrow graciously scanned and posted a section of Chris Hedges' piece from this month's God Issue of Harper's. (Not online, of course -- is Scanning the new Linking? Will blurry, hand-scanned Samizdat copies of Frank Rich essays start making the email rounds come September? Will the Copyright Secret Police disappear LexisNexis abusers? Will would-be bloggers just write sarcastic notes in the margins of David Brooks' columns on the print edition of the Times and leave them on subway cars? As you may have noticed, this "paying for content" thing is my primary concern these days.)

Doghouse Riley watches The History Channel so you don't have to, and finds out that "history" is now being used rather loosely, in the sense of "meaning the exact opposite of the term 'history'" -- yes, speculation, prophecy, and America's Funniest Natural Disaster Stock Footage are advancing on tweed-sporting historians talking about Rommel, and they've already made impressive gains against shows about old guns. Mr. Riley suspects that they may be looking for an image makeover at that musty old network, mulling possible name changes; I recommend either "The Hearsay Network" or "HOLY SHIT, JESUS IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU AND HE'S FUCKING PISSED! TV"

Norbizness has a Socratic dialogue with an Earthly representative of a different, less telegenic God. It leads me to believe that if we all put aside our petty squabbles about who flushed who's Holy Book down the toilet, or who's militant followers blew up who, and just sat down and rapped for a while, we'd learn that, deep down, we all worship the same God, and he just wants to make sure that we don't dance too suggestively or listen to those seductive African Rhythms.

Case in point, the Archbishop of Minneapolis and St. Paul has a few words for Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty -- raise taxes and help the poor, he says, unless they're homos. And that's a sentiment we can all stand behind. Because if we don't, we'll be given the Rack.

Amen and all that. Word to your savior.

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