Saturday, March 05, 2005

Someone Get an Ethnographer On This 

On those nights when the coughing heat pipes hinder sleep; those nights when one must choose between the certain hypothermic death of an open window in early March or the sweltering heat of the ancient radiators (two settings: off and Turkish Bath), as I lay in bed dressed like a Tennessee Williams character, I occasionally stop fanning myself with my copy of Entertainment Weekly and open it to the letters page. Once I do that, of course, I effectively kill any lingering hope of sleep. Who can sleep while thinking of those desperate communiques from that bizarre parallel reality? A world where Julianne Moore's inclusion on the worst-dressed list is considered a controversy on the scale of the annexation of the Golan Heights. A world where educated, literate, functioning members of society feel the need to put pen to paper and write that they were thrilled to see Andy Dick finally get some recognition for being such a hard-working, underutilized comic talent.

I feel I can understand the letters pages of, say, the New York Times Book Review, or Sports Illustrated. I understand the people who email Sean Hannity to let him know that he's a great American. I even understand those desperate characters who "comment" on "blogs." But Entertainment Weekly and its bretheren continue to confound me. Thank god, then, for Doghouse Riley, who, even if he cannot explain these people's motivations, can at least provide a service that the blogosphere has been crying out for: TV Guide summaries.

The freedom-loving people of the world salute you, Mr. Riley. This truly is the greatest country in the world. And as President Kingfish says:
"Liberty gots'ta come t'dose who love it. Man!"

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