Monday, February 28, 2005

How Do You Like That For a Declension? 

Via Rox Populi, this humble blog learned of an exciting opportunity available to idiots with too much time and money on their hands:

Center for the Study of Popular Culture
- London June 2005 -

Tour London with Christopher Hitchens and David Horowitz
When: June 6th – June 15th 2005
Where: London, England
Who: Authors Christopher Hitchens and David Horowitz

If you’re curious, I already went on the trip in its initial test run a couple months ago, and translated the event into this handy instructional play:

Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Left
A Short Play

Starring Christopher Hitchens, left, and David Horowitz, right.

Act One
“Fun and Games”

A room at The Athenaeum Hotel, London. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS and DAVID HOROWITZ enter and switch the light on. Horowitz is drunk, laughing to himself. Hitchens, tired, lights a cigarette and gets himself a drink from the mini-bar.

“What a dump!”

Hitchens ignores him.

“What a dump!” Who said that?

I’m afraid I don’t know, David.

Of course you do!

I don’t know, David!

What’s it from, for Christ’s sake? Some damn leftist blog, some goddam neo-Bolshevist college professor.

I’m going to bed, David.

You can’t. We’ve got guests.

Why the hell must you always spring things on me?

They’re the goddam contest winners, Hitch. That big home-schooled lad, and the "athletic" blonde… you know, the one who’s waiting for marriage to—

I’m tired, David, and I don’t want to hobnob with your bloody acolytes!

Awww, poor Christopher Hitchens – poor, sad Christopher Hitchens! No one lets you smoke anymore and all your commie friends are mad at you! Well I’m sorry fucking Katrina vanden Heuvel and Edward Said aren’t coming over. Hey! Hey! [Singing] “You better run for your job if you can, Richard Perle! Hide your head in the sand, Richard Perle! If they blame you for the exit plan, that’s the end, Richard Perle!” Ha ha ha HA!!

Hitchens does not respond.

What’s the matter? Didn’t you think that was funny? You laughed your ass off when Norman Podhoretz sang it!!

If you say so, David.

The doorbell rings

David -- don't start in with the bit about our supposed love of and respect for intelligent, rational discourse, ok? And your thing with the professors?

Why the hell not? We're both shmart, educated people, right?! We both reshpect academic freedom, don't we?! I'll shtart in on the importansh of the Academic Bill of Rightsh or Freedom or whatever if I want to!

Just leave my lingering intellectual credibility out of it, ok?

Hitchens swings the door open.


Make sure to stay tuned for the whole gripping week! Horrible secrets will be revealed as Hitchens and Horowitz trade accusations of treason and latent Islamo-Fascism! Horowitz will add Hitchens to The Network! Hitchens will endorse three competing political parties, one at a time! And learn the amazing truth about their conspicuously absent intellectual credibility -- it's all an elaborate invention!

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