Buck Hill

Times lede:

It was no accident that John Kerry appeared Tuesday on "Live With Regis and Kelly'' and recalled his days as a young prosecutor in a rape case. Or that he then flew from New York to Jacksonville, Fla., to promote his health care proposals. Or that on Thursday in Davenport, Iowa, he will preside over a forum on national security with an audience solely of women.

Whaaaa??? Those weren't accidents??? You mean the Democratic candidate for President has some sort of intentional and organized pattern of media appearances?

Explain more about the intricicies of American Politics in 21st Century, O Grey Lady.

One Democratic strategist said Mr. Kerry's failure to fight back against that attack [from the Nixon's Enemies List Character Assassin Veterans for Truth] fed a perception, particularly among married women, that he would not fight for them and their children. And, the strategist said, it is one reason Mr. Kerry must now "rebuild his image on strength."

This is so fascinating -- I'm learning a great deal about the psychology of vast, faceless demographics. And "character issues." And this bizarre and foolish minority known as "women." I wish someone with a David Brooks-like penchant for delivering meaningless and vast generalizations as established fact could explain it to me.

This year, Ms. Lake said, the gap between how married and single women expect to vote is greater than it has ever been, largely because of the emergence of what analysts call "security moms," who tend to be white, married women who have children and who are fearful of another attack within the United States.

"Security moms" are an outgrowth of the "soccer moms" who had emerged in previous elections as important swing voters. But soccer moms tended to live mainly in the suburbs and could vote either way. Security moms live everywhere and are leaning Republican.

Oh. So this new and important made-up group is an outgrowth of that older, equally made-up group. Man, elections are fun! I don't really understand why the Democrats have traditionally had the support of "women," or why married suburbanites are fearing terrorist attacks, or what actually differentiates the candidates or their parties, but I'm learning a lot about people I never have to see or learn anything about!

Considering that a well-informed populace is crucial to the functioning of a representative democracy, I'm glad the New York Times is around to give me these insights: Soccer moms drive SUVs to Wal-Mart in Red States. Hence, they vote Republican. Security moms are scared that someone may try to prevent them from driving their SUVs to Wal-Mart, and they feel John Kerry won't do enough to prevent their children from being killed by Chechan nationalist seperatists. Hence, the Kerry campaign is sneakily trying to trick women into voting.

But this article seems to be leaving some things out. There are other demographic groups with catchy names that will play an important role in this year's no-holds-barred Presidential Cage Match:

NASCAR Dads: Mostly white men who impregnated and gave birth to cars.

Mr. Moms: Tend to be fish out of water. They have little experience operating vacuum cleaners or voting, and do both with hilarious results.

Mothers of Invention: Mostly white men who feel superior to everyone else because they listen to pretentious novelty music. Tend to vote Libertarian.

Sitcom Dads: Mostly white men, married to women far out of their league. Tend to observe and comment on foibles. Look for leaders who can solve minor crises in 22 minutes.

Mamas and Papas: Tell pollsters they are religious, but they generally only pretend to pray while dreaming of California.

Vaginas: The membranous canal leading from the vulva to the uterus in women and female mammals. Tend to support penises. |