Friday, September 10, 2004

The Parties Continue Their Elaborate Grooming Rituals As the Earth Dies Screaming 

In the Most Important Election Of the Last Twenty Years, Both Parties Still Want to Make Sure You Don't Give A Fuck:
Mr. Kerry named the leader of his team, Mr. Jordan, a close friend of former President Bill Clinton, back in June, as a way to show he was ready to debate whenever Mr. Bush was. Mr. Bush, on the other hand, did not name his team until this week, a signal that he will take his time in granting Mr. Kerry time on the same stage as him.

It's almost like some sort of rich, white, gay courtship ritual -- except with the lives of 290,809,777 people at stake. So once these boys figure out who's bottoming, we can politely ask them for some health care. Perhaps John Kerry will drop some prescription drugs in his mad rush to distance himself from every principled stand he mistakenly made in the period after Vietnam and before he sold his soul to Clinton advisors.

Yet I want there to be debates, and I want to watch them, and I feel like they can only help our cause... which is pretty fucking stupid of me.

Still, one Republican official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the perception that Mr. Bush was ducking the debates did serve a purpose, by helping to lower expectations for Mr. Bush, who exceeded all expectations in his debates with Al Gore in 2000.

Because in this world of political Absurdist Theater, reality is completely subjective, and if the New York Times decides Bush's debates were impressive, then there's nothing you can do. That's the narrative. The old metaphor of political campaigns as horseraces is bullshit. In a horserace, you know who won.

Kerry is fucked. Bush has, at his disposal, one of the most powerful unelected men in the world. Kerry has Bill Clinton's Bagger Vance.

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