Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Someone Give Me a Fucking Book Deal
Recently, google has been sending me people looking for summaries of David Brooks' "Our Sprawling, Supersize Utopia," his last big hacking consumptive retch all over the pages of the Times Magazine.
If you are a sorta dumb (or lazy) high school (or college) student looking for someone to give you the gist of some article you don't care about, and you can't make it to the library to get back issues of the Times, allow me to help.
First off: I commend you. Laziness and dumbness are not only an important part of David Brooks' own reporting style, they are his primary weapon! Here's how to use those tools in your favor: remember those old Jeff Foxworthy routines where he'd explain how one "might be a redneck"? Let's find an example (c/o our good friend Google!):
That one's especially good because it mentions a brand or chain-store, loyalty to which can replace class-consciousness in our Sprawling, Supersize Utopia (by David Brooks).
Now, find the worst New Yorker cartoon you can. Not one of the cryptic, weird ones. Not even one of the animal-on-psychiatrist's-couch ones. No, find one of the unfunny ones that lightly mock the vacuity of rich Manhattanite snobs. Ones involving nannies, well-meaning liberals, and the guilt of having privilage and wealth are great. Oh, here's a good one:
You have your examples of "rednecks" and "New Yorkers." Now you use these cliches to affirm predetermined notions of the essential differences between the "elite" (your liberal upper-middle-class audience) and those oh-so-mysterious and exotic Bush-voters of that vast expanse known as "Middle America." Use the terms "Blue States" and "Red States" to differentiate between the vast swaths of people you haven't bothered to do any actual research on. Now, write about them in a psuedo-academic tone. It's that easy!
See! Now you've made a grand sociological statement! And you didn't even have to leave your desk!
My hypothetical lazy student friend, tell your instructor to go fuck himself if he's assigning this shit. And then tell him to go read some Thomas Frank. |
If you are a sorta dumb (or lazy) high school (or college) student looking for someone to give you the gist of some article you don't care about, and you can't make it to the library to get back issues of the Times, allow me to help.
First off: I commend you. Laziness and dumbness are not only an important part of David Brooks' own reporting style, they are his primary weapon! Here's how to use those tools in your favor: remember those old Jeff Foxworthy routines where he'd explain how one "might be a redneck"? Let's find an example (c/o our good friend Google!):
JEFF FOXWORTHY:
You Might Be A Redneck if...Your daughter's bridal registry is at Ace Hardware.
That one's especially good because it mentions a brand or chain-store, loyalty to which can replace class-consciousness in our Sprawling, Supersize Utopia (by David Brooks).
Now, find the worst New Yorker cartoon you can. Not one of the cryptic, weird ones. Not even one of the animal-on-psychiatrist's-couch ones. No, find one of the unfunny ones that lightly mock the vacuity of rich Manhattanite snobs. Ones involving nannies, well-meaning liberals, and the guilt of having privilage and wealth are great. Oh, here's a good one:
You have your examples of "rednecks" and "New Yorkers." Now you use these cliches to affirm predetermined notions of the essential differences between the "elite" (your liberal upper-middle-class audience) and those oh-so-mysterious and exotic Bush-voters of that vast expanse known as "Middle America." Use the terms "Blue States" and "Red States" to differentiate between the vast swaths of people you haven't bothered to do any actual research on. Now, write about them in a psuedo-academic tone. It's that easy!
The car of the Blue Stater is the hybrid, but in an ideal world, it would switch to battery power only when it sensed guilt from its granola-munching driver on his way to deliver an early-afternoon lecture. For the Red resident, gas-guzzling is a badge of honor, not a negative, and cars are driven everywhere -- for example, to pick up some gasoline-fueled power tools for a daughter's husband-to-be (they are registered, of course, at Ace Hardware).
See! Now you've made a grand sociological statement! And you didn't even have to leave your desk!
My hypothetical lazy student friend, tell your instructor to go fuck himself if he's assigning this shit. And then tell him to go read some Thomas Frank. |
