Sunday, April 25, 2004


Damn, I really want to enter this contest. Unfortunately, they require a faxed voter registration card declaring that I'm a republican. And mine shows that I'm a proud partisan of the New York Democratic Party. I could fix that pretty easily, of course -- I plan on re-registering when I get home to Minnesota anyway, as word on the street is that some idiots are calling my home turf a "swing state," and as long as I can lift my hand to fill out an absentee ballot, Minnesota will not go to a Republican. In fact, even after my death, I will give full permission to our robot overlords to continue to use my name to vote for the Democratic Farmer-Labor Party. Richard Daleytron 5000 will make sure that my pets and I will continue to make a difference, even after I can no longer personally pull the lever for Droid B. Olson, Elmer Bensonbot, and Walter "Robot" Mondale.
(the Farmer-Labor Party Robot Joke, ladies and gentlemen)

All kidding aside (but not too far aside), 300 words is not a lot of room in which to express my deep, deep non-loathing of and admiration for everything the Bush administration stands for. Though it will probably be just enough to answer this stimulating writing prompt:
Why is the President's call to community service important and how have you demonstrated it?

How have I, Alex Pareene, demonstrated the President's call to community service? Well, I think it would serve the community to point out that it's rather grammatically awkward to say "demonstrate" when you mean "answer." Unless they actually want proof that I've demonstrated my ability to call for things as effectively as President Bush, in which case I'd like to point out that I'm quite good at calling for things, even though I forgot to call my mom on her birthday this year. In my defense, I did send a card.

Why, just last night I called for my girlfriend to bring me a sandwich from the deli while she was out. And I decided that my inability to finish a term paper on the collapse of the Soviet Union called for another pot of coffee lightly spiked with bourbon.

300 Word Essay In Which I Demonstrate President Bush's Call To Community Service
[Clears throat...]

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